Dear Perfection,
by Staying Strong13
Summary: Patricia want's Perfection, but how far will she go to get there. Read Patricia's thoughts as she struggles as she tries to reach her goal. WARNING: Might be triggering, Includes Bulimia and Anorexia. Rated T for saftey


"Oh my god she is like stuffing her face." A blonde hair girl from Mutt house laughed to her house mates. "God she is such a pig." The red head muttered in dissgust. I heard a fit of giggles as another voice chuckled out. "Shes so fat." I turned towards them and looked them in the eyes. They turned their heads quickly but who would'nt I am Patricia Williamson. I picked up my tray and walked away dumping it in the trash on my way out the door. I held back the tears as I stormed out of the school and ran towards Anubis house. No one would see me cry was my only thought as I snuck up to my room. Softly closing the door I left my wall down and slid against the door and fell to the ground. Hugging my legs I let the tears slowly fall out. Their words repeated over and over in my mind. "Fat. Pig. Shes stuffing her face." I cringed and stood up clinging to the door. I walked slowly towards the mirror and almost screamed. How did I let myself gain this much weight? I sat back down in front of the mirror. "God your face is so chubby." a voice spoke. I looked around the room looking for the voice. "Hey dumbass its you!" I looked back at the mirror. "Oh my god Im talking to myself." I whispered. "You could also start running or something because your thighs have been jiggiling alot lately." I nodded my head as more tears fell from my eyes. I sat in front of the mirror so long that I had lost track of time and everything seemed a big blur. "Hey Yacker Trudy has dinner ready." Eddie said walking in. "Im not hungry." I spoke. Eddie looked down at me with a questioning look. "Patricia what happened I did'nt see you after lunch. By the way I'm sorry I was eating in my dads office my mother called." Eddie explained sitting down on th bed. I shook my head and looked up at him. "Just girl problems Eddie." I lied. He looked clueless. "Monthly friend." The lie came out easier then just seconds before. He turned red and glanced away. "Sorry." He muttered. I nodded. (8.9 stones 125 lbs)

It has been a week and I've ate fourteen hundred calories this week I cringed in dissgust. I've been eating two hundred calories a day or less. My will power was growing and I could feel it I knew what I wanted and I would get it. I wanted thin. "Yacker are you feeling okay this week?" Eddie asked with worry laced throught out his sweet voice. I turned to look at him and gave him a grin. "Everything is good why'd you ask?" I laughed flashing him my happiest smile that I could muster up. He shook his head. "I guess you have just seemed quite lately." I nodded "I guess I have I've just been stressed about that french test." I lied sitting down on the couch. "Oh yeah thats a major grade I guess I could see why. But why not take a break lets go to the movies." I hopped up from the couch and walked towards the steps. (8.6 stones 121 lbs)

"Sounds nice just let me go change." Eddie agreed. I ran up the steps and to my room when a thought hit me. "Patricia you better not eat any junk or calorie filled drinks unless you want to have to burn off triple ammount of calories that you ate." My self consious barked at me. "Patty? You okay?" Amber asked looking threw a magazene with Mara and Nina on Mara's bed. I nodded and moved to my closet pulling out a black sweater dark washed skinny jeans. I changed throwing off my uniform. I sat down on my bed and stuffed my feet into my studded combat boots. I grabbed my phone and enough money for a ticket and stuffed it into my back pocket. I walked back down the steps to see Eddie waiting at the front door. "Cabs here." He smiled. I didnt alow myself any thing but water that night as me and Eddie watched the newest horror film in the cinema. The buttery popcorn filled the air and my mouth watered.

I havent ate anything since my fourteen hundred calories last week meaning I've been on a succesful fast for three days. I felt strong and every time my stomach rumbeled it was'nt beacuse I was hungry but it was my bodies way of aplauding me. I sat down for dinner and watched as everyone began stuffing themself. I took my knife and cut into my lasanga watching all of the noodel filled dish goozed out slimey cheese and rotten tomato sauce. I cut it into smaller peices and began my magic show. I picked up a peice and pulled it up to my mouth every time someone looked up but the moment they looked back down my food did the same. "Hey Yacker hows the food?" Eddie asked. I took a big sip of water before answering. "Pretty good wouldnt you agree. Trudy's cooking has always been my favorite." I complimented as Trudy walked by. She shot me a thankful smile as I began my last magic act. For my last act of the night "accidently" spilt some on the floor. "Crap." I murmered stepping up to clean my mess. By the time I was done. Alfie and Amber were starting the dishes and everyone but Eddie had left. "Slimeball can you please help me take the rest to the kitchen?" I asked before finishing the chores and reporting up to my room finishing my fourth day of my fast. (8.4 stones 118lbs)

I broke on day six as my world became fuzzy and I passed out while showering to my luck no one saw but I knew I needed to eat before it happened again and someone would see. I walked down for dinner pleased to see that we were having a nice salad and some bread for dinner. I loaded up about a two cups of lettuce plain no dressing and ate my first 30 calories in six days. I went to sleep that night feeling more guilty then ever. (8.2 stone 114.5 lbs)

I restarted my fast only three days ago I've done good and water has been my best friend I always had a big tumbler filled. "Yacker, I know you dont do restraunts but my mother is coming in town and insists on taking you and I on a dinner. Plese please come i even told her that we could only be out for a hour and a half latest." Eddie pleaded. I chuckled as I closed my locker door. "Weasel you know I dont do restraunts! And none the less to say Adults dont like me." I whined Eddie looked at the ground and back up at me.

"please yacker just tomorrow night and its at a low key place!" Eddie begged

"Fine but I'm not happy about it!" I sighed smiling

"Then why are you smiling?" Eddie laughed (8.03 stones 112.5 lbs)

I broke my fast with half a cup of white rice (206 divided by two A total of 103 calories) and two lettuce wraps (50 calories each making it a total of 100) I began to be filled with panic as I realised 203 calories were getting ready to digest in my body. "Im going to the bathroom." I stated rudely and I knew that it would'nt make an impression. I walked calmly to the restroom before dropping to the toilet and shoving my fingers down my throat and throwing up all of my dinner. I purged until nothing but mocus would come up. I walked back out to the table and drank a whole glass of water as Eddie and his mom dished on Orange chicken and crab cakes. (8 stones 112 lbs)

Five weeks has gone by since I have started this diet. My body was beginning to stop loosing weight at such a fast pace and my skin turned paler as days went by. My hair got dry and occasionaly would fall out but it was okay. I was on my road to thin and once I got to thin (7.5 stone l05 lbs) I would strive for perfection (6.4 stone 90 lbs). I headed outside in a sick pupies hoodie and black yoga shorts and started my run. I ran for fifty minutes before finishing my four mile run. I had only burned 350 calories but I hoped it would boost my metabolism. I wont eat at all this week but I will give an emergency 400 calorie if needed. (7.7 stones 108 lbs)

"Hey yacker."

"Hi Weasle."

"Are you okay?"

"Im okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"How about I make you an Eddie hoagie?"

"Im fine I dont feel to well."

"could be because you havent been eating much lately."

"I think you should go."

One week fast = succes (7.4 stones 103.6 lbs)

Dear Thin its nice meeting you. -Fatty Patty

"Patricia please prove my fear wrong and eat dinner tonight and I mean the whole dinner." Eddie demanded fear dripping with every word spoke. I have just finished 500 crunches after eating a sandwhich and vomiting it up.

Dear Perfection Im heading towards you. - (7.14 stone 100 lbs)

"Trixie you've lost quite a lot of weigh down you think?" Asked Nina. She was obviouse jealouse and just trying to hide the fact with a fake voice of nervouseness. "Trix you need to eat more I think." Joy hinted. I gave her a look and laughed

"Why would that be Joy?"

"You look a little thin dont you think?" I will not let her fatten me up anymore than I am she was just feeling what Nina was and that was Jealousy. I turned my heels and headed towards my room to have a chat with my demons on how to get to perfection. (6.9 stone 97.2 lbs)

I heard a sweet soft sob escape the lips of an Anubis resident I walked siftly over to the sad noise. Peering into the Attic I saw Eddie sitting and as sadnedd dripped from his eyes. I walked in and my heavy weight caused the floor to give a almost unadible creek. Eddie stiffened and turned to see me. "Whats wrong?" I asked running and dropping down to him. Eddie looked me in the eyes. I looked away eyes are the window to the soul. Eddie pulled up the sleeve of my grey studded sweater and wraped his hand around my wrist. Thumb to ring finger my wrist didnt touch his hand. More tears poured out of his eyes and he turned his back towards me. (6.7 stone 94.3 lbs)

I was curled into a ball with my covers pulled over me and my bed spread. Eddie had brought me his winter blanket and covered me with it. He layed and held me as I cried holding my stomach. After two weeks with 2,000 calorie intake and two binges. Eddie and Fabian stuffed me with a plate of spaghetti and two bread sticks. I had excused myself for a shower after the meal and threw up as much as I could. My stomach hurt from being fullish since almost four months of dieting. "Im sorry Yacker but you needed it." I would've pushed away from him but the pain was to much. (6.51 stone 92.1 lbs)

Its been a week since Fabian and Eddie's plan to fatten me up had drawn me to 600 calories of food. I'd taken in 30 since then. (6.4 stone 89.8 lbs)

Their worried glances and jealouse faces watched me as if I were under surveillance. Though they could'nt stop me now because I had met my new friend her name was Closer. Closer says I should aim at least for 85 before she could tell perfection. I ate 30 to nothing calories a day now.

Dear Closer, Get ready to report to Perfection because Im only 1.1 pounds away -Kisses (6.15 stone 86.1 lbs)

Dear Perfection, Closer says your mad at me. Im sorry. I thought 85.0 was good enough but I understand what you mean by 70 pound being way more lovely then 85. -Love from (6.05 stone 84.7 lbs)

I wish everyone would stop staring at my fatness. Everyday I go to the place I call home I get glares and and stares. My teachers are keeping me behind class constantly asking questions. They ask how it is at Anubis house. They ask how my friends and boyfriend are. Have I spoke to my family lately? Do I care about my grades anymore? Whats gotten into me? I dont see whats wrong. I need you perfection I need help they are all trying to cut me open and pour in the fat just waiting to stitch me back togther and watch as I jiggle and bounce down the hallways. (5.8 stone 81.8)

I was just finishing my six mile run when Trudy screamed her head off for me to hurry inside and gave me a speech on how I was too weak for running. "Trudy Im perfectly healthy and strong never call me weak!" I snapped at my house mother since the age of 11. Trudy was like my real mom to me and I felt awful for snapping but she could'nt get away with saying that. (5.6 stone 78.5 lbs)

Perfection why cant I talk to you! Why cant you help me! Closer wont leave me alone! She screams into my ears at night. During meals she challenges me by making smell the sweet 500 calorie meals. She yells at me during school! I cant sleep, cant concentrate and I cant even focus on life. Help Perfection I need you and once I have you I can be happy. (5.4 stone 76.6 lbs)

My chest began to feel heavy and my heart felt as if it was stopping. With the energy I had left I crawled out of bed. "Help." I choked out sliding myself down the steps. "Help!" I screamed taking my last breath until I was pulled into a sudden darkness. (5.2 stone 73.8 lbs)

"You're heart was failing."That was all the doctor said when I woke up. I looked around the room. Trudy was in a chair sleeping with Fabian at her feet. Nina slept in Fabians lap. Mara Jerome and Joy were huddled up in a corner all fast asleep. Amber and Alfie were cuddled in between the two groups. I glanced to my side and saw Eddie he wasnt asleep though. "She never came for me." I whispered.

"Who?" Eddie pryed

"perfection." I answered her name sounded bitter sweet as I whispered it out like a melody. Eddie choked back a sob as tears poured from his eyes. (5.2 stone 73.8 lbs)

The doctors have fed me threw a tube much to my disaproval. I can feel the pounds packing back on. "Patricia if we can get you back to 78 pounds we are going to send you to a rehab facility." (Doctor are evil and dont share your weight)

"Please welcome Patricia she is going to be with us for a little bit." I looked at the girls who surroounded me. There were tons of twigs with occasional whale who looked to have a obesity eating disorder. I knew that I wouldnt be seeing Eddie until I put on weight and got well. Truth be honest though I didnt see what was so wrong. I was odered to have three private sessions with Doctor May a week and a "group activity" as the freaks here called it everyday. At group activity we either shared stories or we did trust excercises. I've been in here a week now and it was visiting day. I was released onto the grounds with Eddie.

"Hows it going Slimeball?" I asked happy to see him

"Awful, Hows it here?" Eddie questioned

"Its okay actually." I answered honestly. "I'd love to leave though."

"I know but thats just something to work towards right?" Eddie chuckled grabbing my hand.

"Yes, Hey what happened to no cliche couple moments?" I demanded jokingly. Eddie laughed and gave me a kiss. "Promise me you are trying?" I nodded and laced my arms around his waist. "I want out of here as soon as I can." (Who knows... but the doctors)

"Patricia, many girls come in here a closed book and wont open up until months. What makes you so open?" Dr May asked leaning back in her fake leather desk chair biting o her pen. "I want to get back to my school. I need my bofriend and my friends." I spilled

"Would you take what you have learned here and use it once you get home or would you go back to your habits?" Dr May questioned looking into my eyes.

"Im not sure." I whispered. "I want to be thin. But I want my life back."

"Patricia you've became so obbsessed with being perfect that you let your life slip. You almost lost it infact. How does this make you feel."

"Guilty." The truth swirled up and came out all at once. "I hate that I've put everyone who I love threw this. I feel selfish and I cant help but hate that I ever let it get this far."

"Patricia I want you to come here everyday during group activity. I will imform your nurses." (I dont want to know)

Another month has gone by now completing my stay at three months. "Patricia I want you to come visit me every tuesday and thursday. Just because you are not staying under our supervision doesnt mean you are'nt a patient." (5.9 stone 83 lbs)

Meal plans where sent home and put to use every day. I was happy to see everyone but the weight gain wrapped its hands around me and I was slipping into my sadness again (6.2 stone 88 lbs)

"Look into the mirror Yacker." I pryed my eyes open and looked into the mirror. "Now name five good things about yourself." The weasle ordered.

"I guess my eye color is okay. My hair I like the color. My skin is pretty clear. My boobs arent too big. Umm and My face is thinish." I answered

"Okay My turn." I moved and Eddie stood infront of the mirror. "If I could change three things I'd be more muscular, my eyes would look less girlish, I'd have a smaller nose. Now what do you think about what I just said?"

"I think Your pretty muscular already your eyes are beautiful and I love them, Your nose is perfect!" I was shocked he would say any of thoose things.

"Yacker no one is perfect and will never be perfect, There isnt a single person who feels one hundredpercent happy with their looks. Thouggh you need to know You are a beautiful women who I love to death. You have beauty, brains, humor, personality. You are the full package. Your eyes seem to light up with you smile. Your hair gets slightly frizzy when it rains and your freckles come out in the summer. These small things make me love you even more if thats possible. Your adorably short compared to me. You have your own rebelion always going on with someone no matter who it be. Yacker I love you just the way you are! Everyone has their own imperfections and thoose are what makes everything the more beautiful." My breath was taken away as Eddie gave me his speech. "Yacker you are beautiful and I could never love anyone more then I love you!"

Dear Perfection, I'm glad Closer always refused to let me meet you. I like life more then I would ever like being with way I was going, once I'd meet you I'd of been a beautiful corpse. Sorry Perfection that was a little harsh. Perfection, I think even you have an imperfection. - Yacker ( Not perfect but Happy being imperfect)


End file.
